tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10363943547558188312024-03-13T20:13:07.683-07:00A day in the life...AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-32206895196013292412011-07-15T22:59:00.000-07:002011-07-15T22:59:19.617-07:00Ultimate crash & burn on the roller coaster...no wait that was a car crash :/<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPzCJtLe3wFF8gEZUgxfd-8yKJPT68NVHWnXmzxjhjSpDslg_20KM2OqBowr1wMkmtzNbrbN6pJ5cYn8eCMqpsyHOTLaK5egpjnLK2qtzJAL6RiGvFaVct3b9ojYN1cn6C4DY1L1O20OPT/s1600/278460_232174810136917_100000331988002_748905_2825426_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPzCJtLe3wFF8gEZUgxfd-8yKJPT68NVHWnXmzxjhjSpDslg_20KM2OqBowr1wMkmtzNbrbN6pJ5cYn8eCMqpsyHOTLaK5egpjnLK2qtzJAL6RiGvFaVct3b9ojYN1cn6C4DY1L1O20OPT/s320/278460_232174810136917_100000331988002_748905_2825426_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Frontview: You can see the fracture/break just below the smallest screw.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Mu4w26oew8B1CmW03IVIZ5orUA1bsZuUGiMkk_lnV5BwIb8oaoAGVKAo0I1pF6IEkn1M33GRxPE7471H0XNJV1eiC8pggN0ylfgl257x3atUa-ny2BQhdim5NiP85AngRP_wHU2QbT0n/s1600/broken+ankle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Mu4w26oew8B1CmW03IVIZ5orUA1bsZuUGiMkk_lnV5BwIb8oaoAGVKAo0I1pF6IEkn1M33GRxPE7471H0XNJV1eiC8pggN0ylfgl257x3atUa-ny2BQhdim5NiP85AngRP_wHU2QbT0n/s320/broken+ankle.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sideview of my bionic ankle</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"> Sigh! Just a quick post to vent a bit. So I was in a motor vehicle accident on June 30th. Guy ran a red light, FHP didn't cite him, my van is deemed totaled, plus i have a broken left ankle that I had surgery for on July 8th, and my orthopedic surgeon says there might be tendon damage in my left knee but its too swollen for him to tell anything definitive. So I now have a bionic ankle (a plate & 5 screws to hold my left medial maleolus in place) which will be permanent unless it gives me problems. I haven't had a chance to upload van pictures yet, today is actually my first day back home. I'm lucky that a broken ankle is all I have based on how my van looked. I didn't even think I'd done more than get a sprain when it first happened, boy was I super wrong! I've been staying with my super duper awesome boyfriend and his family since it happened....but more about the awesome boyfriend later...just need to get this stuff out to try and make myself feel a little better before I scare said boyfriend off from all my crying. :/</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I go back to my doctor on July 20th. What's really killing me is the helplessness I feel. It's slowly breaking me down bit by bit, moment by moment. This is the worst depression I've ever felt! I wonder if my orthopedic doctor can give me an antidepressant prescription? Probably not though. I'm stressed about everything! How am I going to be able to get a way of going as soon as possible? How am I going to be able to take care of myself and my daughter? Am I going to be walking by the time I have to go back to work? I'm definitely thinking about using my EAP counseling for this. I can do it over the phone, so I can cry my eyes out and not upset anybody. This really hit me last night, really bad. I just burst into tears over absolutely nothing...well part of it was feeling a little ignored i think and scared. I have no family here at all. If it wasn't for my boyfriend I would be pretty much alone because there's no one here who can put there lives on hold to see to my welfare on a daily basis.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I was hoping being home & getting my daughter back (haven't seen her in 3 weeks due to all of this) would help snap me out of this, but so far it hasn't. My failure to be able to go up & down the stairs that get me in & out of my home is killing me. I am literally terrified of these 5 stairs, well terrified of falling down said stairs & cracking my skull open or breaking other bones. I managed to successfully go down them, but the up part is killing me. The steps are high & I can't hop that high. I don't know what I'm going to do!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> A part of me is also terrified of how this is going to affect my relationship. I'm so scared that this is going to be too much and he's going to end it. Or because he's such an awesome guy he will stay with me until I'm better then it will be over. Depression makes me paranoid as well. I think my mind is making something out of nothing. I so wish this was just nightmare and that I could just wake up & everything would be back to the way it was.</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-30988509092300952772011-05-02T18:15:00.000-07:002011-07-15T22:16:01.481-07:00It's been a long while...and boy has life been weird!<div style="text-align: justify;"> Well, its been what seems like forever since I have posted anything on here. I've done some stupid regrettable things and some pretty amazing things. I am now the one in charge of my roller coaster ride of life! I decide what's best for me, what will make me happy. Throughout I keep in mind my beautiful little girl! My life is her life & vice versa.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMhHdXSv6Jhzt_EqrrWWslEdAQLgN-yDJDZKc5yA1VzMsLkoYf-RasYNDrMuzZui6NTeTCAd0NcpYEPBrqBoiEBa_fb8eyJmOuLjkk_jMUQIbiH2YXnBa0ZuJV2SO-epUZ6qTHokszG8x8/s1600/100_3979.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMhHdXSv6Jhzt_EqrrWWslEdAQLgN-yDJDZKc5yA1VzMsLkoYf-RasYNDrMuzZui6NTeTCAd0NcpYEPBrqBoiEBa_fb8eyJmOuLjkk_jMUQIbiH2YXnBa0ZuJV2SO-epUZ6qTHokszG8x8/s200/100_3979.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Spiderweb Blankie"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"> The stupid mistake I made was getting back with an ex-boyfriend for about a month. What a waste of my time! I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking! Oh well, it ended, I wasn't hurt in the least. Exes are seriously exes for a reason, in some cases for multiple reasons.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I've been working on lots of different crochet projects as well. I made my daughter a skirt & top. I also made her a jacob's ladder round blanket, aka the "spiderweb blankie." I've also made some amazing and cute hats! Currently I am working on two blankets. One is a black & tan granny square and the other is a 16 point star. I get burnt out on one & swap to the other. I'm about to start making hats to sell to people.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR09dYV6h_lTQMlTJGWrtrxGEbKgG8oSIDdj9It3gOK48MRheAfLw&t=1" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="273" src="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR09dYV6h_lTQMlTJGWrtrxGEbKgG8oSIDdj9It3gOK48MRheAfLw&t=1" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/rma/lowres/rman7274l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/rma/lowres/rman7274l.jpg" width="197" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://encefalus.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/school_sucks_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://encefalus.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/school_sucks_2.jpg" width="146" /></a> As far as work goes, it falls into the "hate" category at the moment. I do not like what they've got me teaching or the students that I'm teaching. I used to love my job! This year most days I HATE it and want to strangle someone or multiple someones!!! I tried to get a dean to help me one day because I was at my wits end with one of my classes and the dean had the audacity to ask me what I wanted him to do! I almost told him what he could do! I'm so tired of all the B.S. in the K-12 education system here in Florida. It's not going to get any better either!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I'm currently looking into trying to do something else, namely looking into teaching at a college, where the students are there because they want to be, they're not total idiots, and I can kick them out of my class for pissing me off without fear of mommy & daddy bitching about it! They don't pay me enough to put up with all the crap I do on a daily basis. Some days I just want to go all Abby Scuito on them! I know forensics so I could so get away with it! But enough complaining. Life goes on, and I will deal with it and overcome it!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/celebrity-pictures-pauley-perrette-science-cooler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/celebrity-pictures-pauley-perrette-science-cooler.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Enough playing catch up for one night! Time for some House then bed!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-25372869611468591382011-02-15T18:12:00.000-08:002011-02-15T18:12:24.620-08:00Like Alice "Through the Looking Glass"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio75ODs4Lm00glL3CvE32beIj-XO92Nnn7QK-S44LgZzduvfyhDoRhjOH-0ivG4_E7_Anm9mdOSDdd-VXi_Qwlig8d4hn-WvdVFhyphenhyphenhjBmDWkJ-8_3z8AzuMbfk70fbRqI6rtyXw_b23qd8/s1600/Through_the_Looking_Glass_by_waking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio75ODs4Lm00glL3CvE32beIj-XO92Nnn7QK-S44LgZzduvfyhDoRhjOH-0ivG4_E7_Anm9mdOSDdd-VXi_Qwlig8d4hn-WvdVFhyphenhyphenhjBmDWkJ-8_3z8AzuMbfk70fbRqI6rtyXw_b23qd8/s320/Through_the_Looking_Glass_by_waking.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> So I was sitting here on the eve of my thirtieth birthday thinking about the past ten years of my life. Yep I'm turning the big three-oh tomorrow! Enjoying the last few hours of being in my twenties at home with my beautiful little girl! I'm not sure how I feel about turning thirty yet. Sometimes its like "Damn I'm getting old!" Especially since the majority of my friends are younger than me. Other times I think "It's just going to be another day, so who cares!" Guess we'll see what happens tomorrow.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> As I think about everything that's happened over the past decade, I realize just how much has happened, how much has changed, things I regret, and things I will always remember. Everything that has happened has made me the person that I am today. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> So as a recap of my life the past ten years for you and for myself, since I'm hitting thirty tomorrow and my memory already sucks, I am writing this blog post. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><ul><li>2001 - I left my teens and turned 20! Lived in the dorms by myself for the first time.</li>
<li>2002 - I became engaged and became legal to drink.</li>
<li>2003 - I graduated suma cum laude from The University of Alabama with a Bachelor of Sciences degree in Biology, with a minor in Psychology. I also got married & started graduate school at The University of Alabama.</li>
<li>2004 - Hmmm! I became a graduate teaching assistant & started thinking about teaching as a career.</li>
<li>2005 - I turned 24 & my car insurance dropped! Started to really get burnt out on school.</li>
<li>2006 - I turned 25! Traveled to California & presented at the Drosophila Convention.</li>
<li>2007 - A very eventful year for me. I got pregnant. I graduated from graduate school with my Master of Sciences degree in Cell & Molecular Biology. I got my first career job. I finally moved out of the state of Alabama. I had my first baby, a beautiful little girl that is my world.</li>
<li>2008 - My daughter turned one! Survived my first year of teaching! Took on a second job to try & make ends meet.</li>
<li>2009 - Alabama won the BCS National Championship! My marriage ended. Went on happy pills and had some therapy. First time ever truly living on my own. My daughter turned two years old. Got served divorce papers.</li>
<li>2010 - Finally started dating again, had two relationships. No longer needed happy pills. Got my own place to live all by myself. My daughter turned three. I had my final divorce hearing and was officially divorced in December.</li>
<li>2011 - So far in this year the relationship I started the year with ended. Financially I am in a hole because my ex-husband is refusing to pay back child support. Plus the government took my tax refund & put it toward my student loans. And I've started talking to a new guy who is super nice to me, just sucks that he doesn't live closer. I mean the first guy to ever text me before 6am (because he knew I would be up) just to tell me "Good morning beautiful! :)"</li>
</ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://images5.cpcache.com/product/275540425v3_480x480_Front.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://images5.cpcache.com/product/275540425v3_480x480_Front.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br />
</div><div>Whew! Now I'm going to go enjoy the last few hours in my twenties curled up in bed & most likely falling asleep! :) What a long strange trip its been!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-42633709455165409872011-01-05T16:34:00.000-08:002011-01-05T16:34:24.729-08:00"For every girl with a broken heart there's a perfect guy with a glue gun."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIM0O3C-NwD1LGGqOMDJ10L0a3zn1Lg8WVXg7clsbUHaQQbLWrUA7xncr8iv1758ZGd_1cEI4oeWfC98SpGaSfuk5Cl2HR_A3PpII0-I9pFcwHunJ1fq4pPFPKBCiNlkXTCsnB0LkBtArV/s1600/broken_heart_by_starry_eyedkid-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIM0O3C-NwD1LGGqOMDJ10L0a3zn1Lg8WVXg7clsbUHaQQbLWrUA7xncr8iv1758ZGd_1cEI4oeWfC98SpGaSfuk5Cl2HR_A3PpII0-I9pFcwHunJ1fq4pPFPKBCiNlkXTCsnB0LkBtArV/s320/broken_heart_by_starry_eyedkid-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I'm very hoping this quote that I stole from my Jew friend holds true for me in 2011. New year, new me, and new boyfriend (but I did get to end the year with him so he still counts as new, we started going out December14, 2010).</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Fairly happy with things so far and how things are going in general. However, some things irritate me & I'm finding that old wounds are hard and slow to heal. I'm trying very hard not to let past experiences color my present or my future. I want to deal with it on my own before I bring it all out in the open, because that is just the way that I am. I have to work on problems within myself first. I'm one of those people that you have my trust until you break it or lose it. I haven't yet decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://byfiles.storage.live.com/y1p0Y_4wCrK8K4VjCjwbJV4pHfpJ9OHwp7dRhTgWAzuGeE_uGWao-Kwn5mytNGnn6pYG-BVvsZY_6s" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="http://byfiles.storage.live.com/y1p0Y_4wCrK8K4VjCjwbJV4pHfpJ9OHwp7dRhTgWAzuGeE_uGWao-Kwn5mytNGnn6pYG-BVvsZY_6s" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I can't stand it when someone tells me that they are going to do something & then it never happens! This was a big issue in the past and its happened twice so far. I was told I will talk to you later tonight for the past two nights and it never happened and no excuses were provided. However, excuses are another huge problem for me. I heard the same set of excuses so many times in the past that its hard to know which ones are genuine and which ones are false. It makes things really confusing especially after everything I've been through in the past two years. Right now I'm a little irritated and disappointed, but I'm not going to let it get to me! I'm going to play it by ear and keep an open mind. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle, you just have to find the one that is worth fighting for and giving your heart to!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I am determined to just be me and take everything in stride. Go slowly and see where the road takes me. If I get to see the boyfriend tomorrow like he told me today things should be okay. It hasn't helped much that I have been super stressed out the last 2 days about not having enough money to make ends meet this month. But today, thanks to my super awesome family that problem is solved! I no longer have to worry that I will have money to buy food and milk for my daughter (I would gladly do without for her), gas to make it to work and home each week, and utilities.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I just don't want this relationship to fail! I'm tired of failures! Especially ones that were not my fault in any way, shape or form. However, past fails still haunt the back of my mind! But life is life, so what are you gonna do? I really hope I've found the perfect guy with the glue gun that can fix the brokenness, accept me for me, and take an eraser to the past!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-78326085834882844182011-01-02T22:36:00.000-08:002011-01-05T16:39:05.701-08:00Coffee! You can sleep when you're dead!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://blog.tinyprints.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/dirty-laundry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://blog.tinyprints.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/dirty-laundry.jpg" width="145" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Dear Laundry,<br />
I hate you!<br />
Love, Me</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"> Today ended up being a really great day! Got the house pretty much cleaned up and all the clean laundry put away. That in itself was amazing because that is my least favorite chore to do EVER!!! All that I have left to do is put the Christmas stuff back in the closets and clean the lil monster's room, but I'm saving that for later today. ;) Didn't get around to much crocheting which made me kind of sad because it was my last day of Christmas vacation and I spent most of it cleaning.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Took a nice relaxing bubble bath while my munchkin was being good. She didn't want to take a nap today, which was very disappointing at first, but then I thought to myself, hey this means she'll go to bed early tonight! NOPE!!! She stayed up till almost 10! But it was all good, she really liked playing with the boyfriend and he's really good with her. She drug him to her room to show off her new Dora bed tent that she's so proud of! She made him soup, made him read her read-to me princess book on her IXL game (her "video" as she calls it lol), danced and sang the Candace's Busted Song from Phineas & Ferb, and of course jumped and crawled all over him. All of this without a nap today! It was insane!!! Man if only I had a tenth of that energy! She finally literally passed out on the couch near the end of Blade II lol. So I got to have the boyfriend to myself for a little bit! He gets the joy of figuring out where an exhaust leak is in the '68 in the morning so he left at about 11:30 because its going to be a long day for him. Luckily he only lives less than 10 minutes from me, 5 when he drives lol! Good thing he's a good driver huh? How weird is it that we met online and that we live so close to one another? I still can't get over it!</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKgDtJXdBll72pn9PQWRL2K3_aPOCThxFvxbW3R9FFVkgKM2vTzw3SK0iVHlHMOBj0HR2ftN2fcFazUh2_GnPdKwv8N3gJWVzAqNy9YxRsUerJdjMUCUyFJ0f4nh50mdVLiYDsJx69w8xz/s1600/coffee+poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKgDtJXdBll72pn9PQWRL2K3_aPOCThxFvxbW3R9FFVkgKM2vTzw3SK0iVHlHMOBj0HR2ftN2fcFazUh2_GnPdKwv8N3gJWVzAqNy9YxRsUerJdjMUCUyFJ0f4nh50mdVLiYDsJx69w8xz/s400/coffee+poster.jpg" width="271" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>I so want this poster for my classroom!</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"> Alas, despite the business of my day I am now wide awake and unable to sleep! Thankfully I don't have to be at work until 8 and then its breakfast and a boring meeting, so I can zone out until my coffee kicks in. The saying on this image is going to be my motto for the day ahead! Its going to take a lot of coffee to keep me going on the first day back at work after Christmas vacation! One of my nurse or doctor friends or Mr. Chemistry Wiz BWM seriously needs to develop & perfect the coffee IV delivery system. Maybe something like an insulin pump would work! :) Can you tell that I need some sleep? I knew it was going to happen as soon as the boyfriend left too! I was so sleepy and comfortable curled up with him on the couch watching the movie, then I was wide awake, and I'm still wide awake! As evidenced by this blog and the apparent rambling nature of it! And now Blade Trinity is off and I am still nowhere near sleepy! I blame the boyfriend! It's all his fault! ;)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> *Sigh!* I think I'm going to go curl up in bed and crochet for a bit. I've started an afghan for my grandmother with the yarn I bought at the after Christmas sale at Michael's. (Another Christmas gift that I bought for myself lol!) I have a serious love/hate relationship with that store! I love all the stuff, but I hate how much I spend when I go in there! I spent like $55 on yarn and got 18 rolls of the really good soft yarn that usually sells for $6 a roll. The afghan is the biggest project I've undertaken so far and its in a ripple striped pattern that I have modified a bit from the original pattern. Now that I am really happy again I will probably try to include my crochet stuff in blog posts on here! Before my blog was mainly a way for me to vent, but now I have found happiness! <3</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-44143658672804898642011-01-02T15:18:00.000-08:002011-01-02T15:18:07.624-08:00Where did the time go?<div style="text-align: justify;"> So it has been awhile since I have posted anything, but it seems like it was just yesterday. The holiday season and life in general have been keeping me busy since Thanksgiving. Things have changed since my last post. I am now legally divorced, even though in my heart I have been divorced since August of 2009. I am now definitely in a relationship with a wonderful guy & things are going really good for us! He scored friend approval with my friends and I have scored friend approval with 2 of his friends. I am happy that I got to end 2010 and start 2011 with him.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Christmas was hard this year because it was the first Christmas I'd ever spent completely alone. My daughter was at her dad's, the boyfriend was on a cruise with his family, and I had no money to go home to Alabama. I stayed home, cleaned up, crocheted, and pampered myself. But I missed my family like crazy! My girl and I did our Christmas early this year and boy did she rake in the presents! The boyfriend gave me an awesome zippo for Christmas...I didn't think that we would be doing presents because we had just started dating and he was going to be gone for Christmas, so needless to say there was a mad last minute dash to find a present! But Shhhh! Don't tell anyone! ;) My mother-in-law, Fay (yes I will always claim her as a second mom because she is awesome and has been there for me through thick and thin), gave me money for Christmas so that I wouldn't do without. So on Christmas Eve I went shopping for myself! I got some new tennis shoes (my old ones literally fell apart, I really wanted new boots though), a new shirt, a new dress, a new red nightgown, and some Bath & Body Works stuff.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> If you haven't figured it out by now, I am a very happy girl! That is what I want my 2011 to be filled with, happiness!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-13663342791040813312010-11-27T18:38:00.000-08:002010-11-27T18:48:29.185-08:00Guess I'm never gonna learn...oh wait! Now I have!<div style="text-align: justify;"> I've come to the conclusion that I'm never honestly 100% going to learn my lesson where wba is concerned. I've held my tongue about being pushed away. I put on my indifferent face when I got to see him for about 10 minutes last Saturday. I even took my sweet time heading to the store in hopes that he would already be gone, but that didn't happen. I almost died from shock that I actually heard from him outside of work that day! So he said things were really settling down & that he would call me this week. I told him I was going out of town for the week, leaving on Monday. When asked when I would be back I told him Saturday. He said for me to call him when I got back. I in turn told him he could text me if he wanted.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> We texted pretty much the entire time I was out of town...even got to hear from him outside of work!!! SHOCKER!!!! Then it turns out that things had gotten better to the point that he felt comfortable letting his ex take their son to Alabama for Thanksgiving...leaving on Wednesday and coming back on Sunday. He asked me at least 2 times during the week when I would be back. Told me how much he missed me and that he was lonely because his son was gone and he had no real family to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with. Stupid me felt so bad for him and assumed that I would get to see him when I got back home on Saturday. Even toyed with the idea of going ahead and leaving on Friday instead just so I could see him. Good thing I didn't even though my plans for Friday fell through and I could have went ahead and headed back home. Here it is, Saturday night about 9 pm...I got home at about 5 pm and he was the first one that I texted to say that I was back. I got one reply and that was it! I mean WTF!!!!!!! Seriously? I'm home and now fucking nothing???? I'm back in town and apparently now I'm not good enough to have anything to do with? And he made plans to go on the lake with a friend tomorrow...one that he went out with Wednesday. Guess I know where I rank now! Guess going wakeboarding is more important! I know you haven't been in forever, but you haven's seen me in forever either. Thanks so much for that by the way! So I hurried home for nothing! Came home to nothing because I'm fucking stupid! I could have slept in, spent more time with my family, etc. But NOOOOOO! I got up at 5:30 am so I could get everything loaded and myself ready to go before my daughter woke up. I even woke her up before she was ready to get up just so I could get back and spend time with him.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I kind of wish I would have listened to my cousin and done what she told me to do while I was in Andalusia! But at that point I thought things were going to be better and things were going better.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Also, something odd on his Facebook...unless I'm crazy all the status updates that he posted this week have been removed along with their comments. Now his status is just ".". I got nothing! So whatever! (Actually, I just went and looked and pretty much all status updates since the drama started have been deleted! makes no sense, but whatever!)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Now hope is dead, everything is dead! I can't do this anymore! I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter! It's not worth the hurt anymore, and there's been a LOT of hurt on my end since we met. I'm just fucking done! I hope one of my friends is smart enough to beat my ass if I give this person another chance. </div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-60941897535105718432010-11-20T09:28:00.000-08:002010-11-20T09:28:04.209-08:00I'm sorry but the number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and don't try your call again!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/71498/71498,1172883422,3/stock-photo-disconnected-cell-phone-2794331.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/71498/71498,1172883422,3/stock-photo-disconnected-cell-phone-2794331.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> "Girls are like cell phones, they like to be held and talked to, but press the wrong button and you're disconnected. Guys are like buses. If you miss that one, another will be along soon."~S.M.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> How true this statement is! And how sad also. I'm very much trying to be as "disconnected" as possible. I can't be a complete bitch and ignore someone, so responding with a short simple "I know" was all I did. It's more than what this person deserved! Nothing for like a week and then something. WHATEVER! I probably would not have responded at all had this person not just had surgery, not a major surgery mind you, but a surgery all the same.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.newsone.com/files/2009/09/bus-stop-web_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="246" src="http://cdn.newsone.com/files/2009/09/bus-stop-web_001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> What amazes me is that since I have decided that I am done, other "buses" are trying to come along. But I don't think that these "buses" want anything serious or potentially long term like I do, like I thought I was working on with wba. They seem to only want to make a quick bus stop and I am not having any of that! I did the rebound guy thing and was ready to try and find something real, something special. I thought I had it, but I guess I was just a bus stop after all!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I can't wait until my daughter comes home tomorrow night! Two more sleeps until I get to get the hell out of here and see my family!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-72625087211632798702010-11-17T13:41:00.000-08:002010-11-17T13:41:47.812-08:00Some very sad, hard life lessons<div style="text-align: justify;"> As of late my friends have provided me with a wealth of inspiration to write about, which is a good thing because writing helps me to put everything in perspective. I am officially done with the relationship that I thought I was in...but that's just my opinion. I haven't heard from the other party since last Friday and that was just a one word response to my text that I was off work while he was not. There was a Facebook status update on Monday, but nothing sent my way. So yeah, whatever, I'm done! Goodbye!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> The following are lessons posted by friends that very much apply to me at the moment:</div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> 1. "Men are like commercials: sounds good but you know its false advertisement." ~CRH. Yeah, this one sounded really good. Single dad, loves his son, active, same kind of music & movies, good job, great to talk to spend time with, etc. But no follow through on promises, pushing me away when things get complicated...false advertisement! Relationships have to have these things in addition to much more to make them work and be successful and maybe develop into something more.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> 2. "If you hear words saying one thing, but the actions show another, chances are you're being lied to." ~ JM. How very true this statement is right now! The words said "I still want to see you" but the actions, which have been NOTHING nullify the words that were said. Plus add to this the fact that when he started talking to me after the drama & the week of nothingness it was only while he was at work...never when he was at home. Can you say suspicious & weird? Makes me think that he was not staying at his place, but elsewhere or somewhere where he couldn't talk to me for some reason. Oh well! His loss! I deserve better and will have better as soon as I find it or it finds me. What really sucks is that I really thought that he was my better...guess I still have a lot to learn! Damn me for getting into a relationship & marriage early in life! Had I dated more I doubt I would be having such problems!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> 3. "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."~ JM. I thought for a while that I was on my way to falling in love. There was a lot of like admitted to on both sides. Then shit just started happening until everything just kind of fell apart. No fault on my end on this one! Its all him! I tried to keep communication open! But I was ignored and let go apparently. Not sure how I feel about this lesson on life yet...Can one like until it hurts? Ready for the hurt to be over! I'm keeping busy as much as possible so that I don't have time to think about it But late at night before bed my mind wanders and the sadness hits, sometimes tears fall for what might have been or what I thought was there. Things will get better for me, just probably not as soon as I would like.</div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Thankfully, next week is vacation time for me and Alyssa and I are going to see family and friends in Alabama. I miss them terribly! Plus getting out of Lakeland should help things! So will going out drinking with my Alabama girls! :) I can't wait!!! I so need it!!!!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-65443460720117965492010-11-15T14:20:00.000-08:002010-11-15T14:20:41.342-08:00Do not try this at home kids!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.academyart.edu/assets/news/rapunzel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.academyart.edu/assets/news/rapunzel.jpg" width="240" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> </span></span>"Whenever we were little girls and our mama's read us fairytales after they said and they lived happily ever after they should have said ps. do not try this at home as this is a lie." Stolen from J.M. :) Thanks for giving me inspiration today!</div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I so think fairytales should come with warning labels stating that they will never happen to the average everyday person. Happily ever afters don't exist today. All the knights in shining armor are just retards in tinfoil, or at least in my experience they are. Which is a very sad thing to have to realize at this point in my life.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I thought I had the happily ever after, but then realized it was all a lie and that prince charming was actually a wolf in sheep's clothing if you will.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Then I thought I had found a true knight in shining armor to save me, but I've come to the conclusion that I was wrong again. I was so happy with life, with myself. Then things just fell apart on his end. I tried my best to be there, but he wouldn't let me in. Too many things being left unsaid. Too many secrets. Too much shutting me out! You can't build a successful relationship with those issues in the equation. I just wish I had some form of closure so that I can move on with my single existence. I thought maybe I would hear something today, especially since he was at the doctor's office this morning per Facebook I'm assuming that today was for the labs that he needs for his wrist surgery on Friday, but I don't know! About to the point of not caring, but its hard.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> So ladies if you're trapped in the tower, chop off your hair, form a rope, and save your own ass because no man will!</div></div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-78539285794006684112010-11-14T18:11:00.000-08:002010-11-14T18:11:58.147-08:00I'm thinking lets get a shovel!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/csl4338l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/csl4338l.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> "Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death." ~ Colette Dowling.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> So after about a week and a half of absolutely NOTHING I finally hear something back. He now has full custody of his son due to getting DCF involved in the situation. He had also cut his phone off because his ex was harassing him 24/7. He finally got it cut back on & started talking to me again telling me in short what had been going on. When asked why he cut me off he replied that he didn't want me to get drug into everything, the no phone for awhile issue, & that he is having to tread very carefully due to DCF's </span>involvement in the situation<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">. Understandable to a point, but to not let me know what was happening? Bullshit in my opinion!</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> So at the moment I consider myself to be a single individual because I had no idea where we stood before the latest drama nor do I have any idea where we stand now. Plus he's keeping something from me...I feel it. Some vital piece of this confusing puzzle that I am missing, but need to complete the picture. That which is bothering me is the fact that I do not hear anything from him outside of his being at work. It makes no sense to me. I do not get it. What is the problem with texting me after work? I do not get it! He says things are getting better and that he is working on being able to see me, but I don't believe it. I can't believe it because I do not want to be hurt again. I have my suspicions, which are probably colored by recent events in others lives. But they are just that...suspicions. I had planned to ask him about it this past Friday, but I only got one brief reply from him that day and then nothing afterwards, nor anything this weekend. But I expected the lack of communication over the weekend based on the happenings of the week. I plan to get it figured out this week, that is if I hear from him. I'm absolutely done trying! I'm tired of trying/asking and just getting hurt, disappointed.</span></div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-33451407309391136382010-11-06T20:32:00.000-07:002010-11-06T20:32:21.628-07:00Still trying to get it all figured out...anybody want to give me a clue?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhs9Ux7y9nOZKq1i1lfHAe8oN66lpJcoNfYzrnOwDNNk_0VdHiX1avhhGCremV0bsZg5QIE27DD1RiNXvGQKxsrvbMTAuTdaFYDgqhlq9NHxaGCa-kKM_cIjnqE_G45gkg5zUpimLKJGRo/s400/Believe-Nothing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhs9Ux7y9nOZKq1i1lfHAe8oN66lpJcoNfYzrnOwDNNk_0VdHiX1avhhGCremV0bsZg5QIE27DD1RiNXvGQKxsrvbMTAuTdaFYDgqhlq9NHxaGCa-kKM_cIjnqE_G45gkg5zUpimLKJGRo/s320/Believe-Nothing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Still nothing! Absolutely nothing! And to top it all off I have nothing and am at a complete loss as to what to do about it. I had someone ask me what was going on and I had no idea what to tell them because I absolutely don't know!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I don't know what to do because I have no idea what's going on anymore! It's ridiculous! How can one person just drop off the face of the Earth, cutting off all communication with the person they had been dating? It make no sense! </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I figured that things would eventually return to some sort of normalcy after some time had passed and he was able to get everything together, especially where his son was concerned. I did not foresee being cut out of the equation...AGAIN!!!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> The last time something bad happened that really messed with his head, I was pushed away. We'd only known each other for about a month at that time, so it was kind of understandable. Messed up but understandable. But for it to happen again about 2 months after we started seeing each other again? That is just seriously messed up! I don't get it! If you are in a relationship with someone and you want to make it work, you don't push them away when you are having a bad/hard time. Just because you don't want them to see you in that kind of mood is no excuse! If you can't handle someone at their worst or lowest, then who are you to deserve their best?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Now I will admit that sometimes when I get really down or depressed I need some time alone. But that does not last more than a day or two usually. It is better to talk to people, namely those who are important to you, i.e. boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend. To let them be there for you when you need it the most I have done this already, isolated for a bit over the situation and then talked to the BFF's. They have listened and given their opinions, but I still have nothing! I know what I SHOULD do, but is it what I really want to do? I got NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! And it's tearing me apart that I can't figure this out!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-7668759569426829642010-11-04T14:52:00.000-07:002010-11-04T14:52:28.882-07:00I feel like I'm losing my mind<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"> So now its Thursday. It's been a week. Still having issues, still can't get the brain to shut down when I am not busy. I'm starting to run out of things to do! My house is fixing to be entirely clean! I just have to do a little cleaning/straightening in my room, then put away some DVDs, and its done. It's rainy weather here so I can't do any kind of yard work, although there is not much that needs to be done there. I think I am going to go take a nice hot relaxing bubble bath when I am done here.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"> I will probably chill out and read a book followed by some Gilmore Girls. I've started re-watching the series to keep me occupied sometimes. Currently on the second season. :) I forgot how much I liked this show. Facebook has also been a pretty good distraction, most of the time anyway. Yesterday I finally closed out the open chat window I've had open since mid-August. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"> Having awesome friends both local and far away has also helped. Their care & support has been very key to me not going completely psycho! Plus I had fun last night with knittinglitemom and Bamfio. Drinks and crazy Facebook comments! Finally starting to feel like I can get through this, whatever this is. I was even able to start my crocheting again. Plus I think I'm going to start a baby blanket for one of my students that is about to become a father.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"> So today, my mood is best suited by the song "World So Cold" by Three Days Grace. Missing my girl!</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>"World So Cold"</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>Three Days Grace</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I never thought</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'd feel this</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Guilty and I'm</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Broken down inside</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living with myself</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Nothing but lies</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I always thought</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'd make it</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">But never knew I'd</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Let it get so bad</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living with myself</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Is all I have</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I feel numb</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I can't come to life</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I feel like</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'm frozen in time</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">World so cold</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Wasted away</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a shell</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">With no soul</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Since you've gone away</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a world so cold</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Counting the days</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Since you've gone away</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Do you ever feel me</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Do you ever look</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Deep down inside</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Staring at yourself</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Paralyzed</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I feel numb</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I can't come to life</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I feel like</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'm frozen in time</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">World so cold</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Wasted away</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a shell</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">With no soul</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Since you've gone away</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a world so cold</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Counting the days</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Since you've gone away</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">You've gone away from me</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'm too young</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">To lose my soul</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'm too young</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">To feel this old</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">So long</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'm left behind</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I feel like</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'm losing my mind</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Do you ever feel me</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Do you ever look</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Deep down inside</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Staring at your life</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Paralyzed</div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">World so cold</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Wasted away</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a shell</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">With no soul</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Since you've gone away</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Living in a world so cold</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Counting the days</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">Since you've gone away</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">I'm too young<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><i>[x2]</i></span></div></span>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-62888707895038716772010-11-02T17:41:00.000-07:002010-11-02T17:41:56.654-07:00Wish that I could pretend that none of this is real<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thebrpage.net/forum/uploads/1725/walk_away_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://www.thebrpage.net/forum/uploads/1725/walk_away_2.jpg" width="302" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"> So this song very much describes how I'm feeling at the moment. I love how no matter what emotion you are feeling you can always find a song somewhere that describes how you are feeling, no matter what your taste in music might be. Personally, I'm a rocker chick through and through, with the occasional rap/pop songs thrown in every now and again.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"> I just want to be able to get through everything, for me and my daughter's sakes. What really, really sucks is that my daughter got attached, so now I have to figure out how to explain it to her. This should be fun! (Just to clarify, that statement was dripping with sarcasm!) I don't know what to tell her because I myself have no freaking clue! I've got nothing! Absolutely nothing! That is what sucks the most...the not knowing part. Oh, and the not knowing what to do part, the trying to figure things out part! Oh hell! It all fucking sucks! Who am I kidding!!! I just wish I didn't care as much as I do, it would be so much easier! The last time this happened it maybe took me about 2 weeks or so to get over it, but I wasn't too attached at that point. This time its going to be much harder and take a lot longer. I just wish I could fast forward or sleep through it all or something.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"> I'm tired of feeling bad! Physically and emotionally. Been feeling this way for the past few weeks as things started to go into suck/fail/epic fail mode. Seriously thinking about going back to see my therapist. I'm going to get the number for the EAP tomorrow and give them a call when I get home. If I'm not mistaken I get 6 free sessions every year. They don't want us teachers to go all psycho on everybody I guess. I have been trying to keep myself busy and my mind occupied as best I can since last Friday. The weekend was busy with my daughter and Halloween stuff, but now that the work week has started and my daughter isn't here, keeping my mind busy has become harder. I've been breaking up the cleaning I have to do into chunks to do throughout the week. I bought a book to read as well. Not in a crochet mood lately because the project I have in progress (a scarf for my daughter) I last worked on there on that last epic night, so all I would think about would be that. This sucks! I could start another project, but I don't know what to work on! The project I planned to start after the scarf is kind of pointless now! :( Well, it will get better, eventually I guess.</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>"Walk Away"</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>Five Finger Death Punch</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I'm sorry for the demon I've become</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">You should be sorry for the angel you are not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I apologize for the cruel things that I did</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">But I don't regret one single word I said</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away make it easy on yourself</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away please release me from this hell</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away there's just nothing left to feel</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away pretend that none of this is real</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Could you forgive me if I told you that I cared?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Would you be sorry if I swore that I'd be there?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Please forgive me for laughing when you fall</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I'm so sorry but I never cared at all</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away make it easy on yourself</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away please release me from this hell</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away there's just nothing left to feel</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away pretend that none of this is none of this is</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away make it easy on us both</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away there was never any hope</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away you already know the deal</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just walk away, pretend that none of this was, none of this was real</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"> </span>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-14983650239674402462010-11-01T16:06:00.000-07:002010-11-01T16:06:59.377-07:00I think I am all out of pieces!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/missing-pieces.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/missing-pieces.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> "All changes are more or less tinged with melancholy, for what we are leaving behind is part of ourselves." - Amelia Barr</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> I really think I have absolutely nothing left that I could leave behind anymore! Seriously the puzzle box is all empty!</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> The puzzle was damaged, but I was able to fix it and put it back together again. Took awhile and some help to find all the pieces, but I did it. Took myself back out into the world, intact, whole, and confident. It was a rough and rocky start, but then things began to look up! Or at least for awhile they did!</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Then all of a sudden BAM!!! There goes the puzzle again! Pieces once again missing from the picture. But I was able to pick up the pieces again and get it pretty much back together, ready to try to move on again. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Then on August 13th, after a really bad day, the person who last broke the puzzle comes back into the picture and I let them back in. Things start up again and were going really well. We finally had our first official date and then even a second one! Then things started happening, not to me, but to him. Now, he has once again gone M.I.A. because of it. I don't understand why he felt the need to shut me out! TWICE! I mean if you can't handle someone when they're at their lowest/worst, why should you get their best? I thought that he would get through it and that he would let me help him. He was talking to me about it this time. But I guess I was wrong. Sitting here now I realize that I never truly knew where we stood with one another. I thought that things were good between us and would only get better in time. But time was one of the issues the last few weeks. I wanted more time with him than I was getting. due to various issues on his part.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"> Well, time to try and pick up the pieces again I guess! Slowly but surely, one by one, piece by piece. I just wish it didn't hurt so much!</span></span></div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-89654944846799877132010-10-29T18:42:00.000-07:002010-10-29T18:42:15.631-07:00Hmmmmm! What to do, what to do?<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG-DdU-PQT7Sya2LkqKFlX-FZMOoO4Xya7eUxp83DOVpayFHGl7Ige-04piWeNoSTmHH-r8lZzD9ZicR-Q2eLHGq3bqLqhwLajJBfiDS2FiZl_0u054UwcHZMthH6Mu20SZcaktjXB46zG/s1600/100_3451.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG-DdU-PQT7Sya2LkqKFlX-FZMOoO4Xya7eUxp83DOVpayFHGl7Ige-04piWeNoSTmHH-r8lZzD9ZicR-Q2eLHGq3bqLqhwLajJBfiDS2FiZl_0u054UwcHZMthH6Mu20SZcaktjXB46zG/s320/100_3451.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pumpkin Patch, October 29, 2010</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"> Despite all the whining from students and parents at work today and the fact that I woke up last night at about 2:30 and then couldn't go back to sleep because my back was killing, it turned out to be a decent enough day. It took 4 Motrin to finally get rid of my backache, which turned into a headache before all the pain went away. Of course, it was Friday and payday all rolled into one! :)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Got some much needed errands done after work, still got more bills to take care of, but I'm saving that for tomorrow. Also, got my girl's birthday presents bought. My favorite part of the day was when I picked up my daughter from school and took her to the Pumpkin Patch downtown to take pictures in her costume and pick out a pumpkin to carve tomorrow. The people there were super nice and helpful! I got some good pictures of my girl, and even one of the two of us together. We ended up with a pretty big pumpkin and 3 little tiny pumpkins. I plan to carve Kai Lan and Ho ho on the pumpkin tomorrow because that is what my girl wants. As for the 3 little guys that came home with us, I think I will let her color or paint them while I carve the big one tomorrow.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Our day ended up at home with some chicken nuggets and some good old Phineas & Ferb. Also, on the plus side found out the deal with knittinglitemom last night...lol...gotta love the forgetful parents is all I can say! Got some plans for Halloween night in place now. Been sitting here thinking about what to do tomorrow and all I can think of is taking my girl to Disney World for an early birthday present, since she would still be free & it would only be $82 plus tax for me for the day. Might check with the parentals to see if they can help me out financially this month if I choose to go. Going to sleep on it and see how things go in the morning before I decide. Got nothing else to do tomorrow save cleaning house, laundry, and pumpkin carving. Haven't heard from wba at all today, actually haven't heard from him since yesterday morning. :( But I expected nothing less! Whatever! I've pretty much had it on that front because its just getting ridiculous! Fail week number 2 almost done! Bring on the Saturday!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-9257374210942896192010-10-28T17:22:00.000-07:002010-10-28T17:22:43.693-07:00You want hope? Sorry we're pretty much out of that at the moment, please check with us tomorrow<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://site.despair.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="http://site.despair.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/hope.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines hope as the following<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">: "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">to cherish a desire with anticipation." </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> I am almost 100% sure that I have used up my lifetime supply of hope in the past couple of weeks. Nothing has been worse lately than to hope for something and then not to get it. Especially if it is something as simple as hearing from someone when they told you they would. Is is really that hard to follow through with something as simple as "I"ll text you tomorrow ok" or "I'll call you later." Honestly, it takes what 30 seconds or so to send a text to someone? Even less if you use that handy reply feature.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://damienkatz.net/pics/hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://damienkatz.net/pics/hope.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> So yes, as the image above says, "Hope may not be warranted at this point." I'm so tired of hoping for things and not getting them! Then getting either angry, upset, disappointed, or hurt over it. I'm trying to train myself not to hope for or expect anything, especially where wba is concerned. Because I just get end up getting disappointed, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">angry</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">, upset, and hurt when what I was hoping to happen didn't happen. I'm doing much better at it! I already decided that this week I would not be seeing him & so far that hasn't disappointed me. Amazing huh? Also, when I was told I'd hear from him the next day and I didn't hear anything until the end of the day after, I wasn't really mad. I knew it would happen that way, I expected it because its happened several times before. Plus if you add in all the other broken promises, you would completely understand my anti-hope stance. Also lets throw in the fact that knittinglitemom has kind of been in fail mode today...</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> disappointed</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> on that front, both for myself and my daughter, so maybe I need to stop hoping there too. The only people who haven't failed on me lately are my mom and my sissy, who is the sister of my heart. I miss my family so much right now! I wish I had them here with me or that they were closer so I could just take off to visit whenever I wanted. As it is right now, they are about a 7 hour drive away and I haven't seen them since...man I can't remember when the last time I saw them was! That's pretty bad!.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.zdnet.com/blogs/dell-laptop-fail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="259" src="http://i.zdnet.com/blogs/dell-laptop-fail.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> I just wish that wba would let me in more. I understand the need to be alone and get yourself straight, I really do, especially when the problems involve your children and the struggles and turmoil of divorce. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt! But somethings you just don't need to be alone for. Somethings you just need someone there, someone real to actually listen to you, really listen & not judge. But that's just my opinion!</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> I know that therapy really helped me out when I was going through hard times. I highly recommend it to anyone experiencing difficult times. Sometimes you need that neutral party perspective to get yourself right again.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> I don't know how this story is going to end. I have no idea what to do at the moment other than just sit back and wait and see what happens. But I am done making the first effort! That is all in his court now! Like I said I am done hoping! These past almost 3 weeks has taught me that...since I've only seen him 3 times during that time, 4 times if you want to count the 15 minutes from Saturday, which I don't because I was angry at the time and when I started to calm down shit started to go down which brought an end to the evening that I just knew was going to be another epic fail.</span></div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-61458066559507445552010-10-26T16:32:00.000-07:002010-10-26T16:32:43.596-07:00These issues pin me to the floor....they choke me like a noose<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpjIxnHRT58pmQXnO5bUSTkj32pFNM9WCdMtuOP7cR2xtGa-kKAtX1K11WDNxnZgOxJHHyZgezDKf-CVqBNxXtNbgDnrljqUCsLsObHwok3ZV93-WnbSC4txMKqzJXlOYLq8rToNyyLF0/s320/issues.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpjIxnHRT58pmQXnO5bUSTkj32pFNM9WCdMtuOP7cR2xtGa-kKAtX1K11WDNxnZgOxJHHyZgezDKf-CVqBNxXtNbgDnrljqUCsLsObHwok3ZV93-WnbSC4txMKqzJXlOYLq8rToNyyLF0/s320/issues.jpg" /></a></div><h1 style="color: #303030; font: normal normal bold 1.4em/normal Verdana, Arial; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-top: 18px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> So ever since I heard this song the other day it has been stuck in my head. It will not leave! I have tried to get other songs stuck in there but it hasn't worked! These words keep running through my head, over and over again!</span></span></span></h1><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Probably because it seems to fit my current mood so well. Issues coming at me from every corner! I am trapped by them, slowly suffocating it seems! Plus I don't know what to do about them, if anything!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> With work its just the same old, same old crap! Kids being a pain in my ass! With regards to my family there have been health issues going on and that doesn't look like its going to get better anytime soon! My best friends have been sick lately...so visits have been out with one of them and the other has just been feeling like crap long distance. Found out last week that a case management conference for my divorce was set up for today with the judge and the attorneys because opposing counsel is a really stupid bitch! (She called it by the way, not my attorney! It was called because my attorney corrected her final judgement paper she sent us...and let me tell you there were a LOT of corrections!) </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Then there is my own personal life, which I honestly don't know what to think or do about it! I really don't! I am so confused! I am tired of being told things and/or promised things and then no follow through on it! *Sigh!* I really don't remember it being this hard at the beginning of a relationship! Of course I was 18 the last time that happened, so that could be it. But I mean how hard is it to send a text the next day after telling someone the night before that you will text them tomorrow? Think I am just going to leave it be for the moment. As the saying goes: If someone wants you in their life, they will make an effort to stay in it! Which I understand that there are a lot of issues that have been thrown at wba right now, but seriously...all I want is a text letting me know that he's okay today, or that he's feeling better or worse today...is that really too much to ask? The last time shit went down bad he went MIA for about a month! I assumed he just didn't want to see me anymore so I wallowed in self pity over it for a bit then focused on moving and my upcoming divorce hearing. Then ironically, he messaged me the night of my divorce hearing, after pretty much a month of nothing. I understand depression, I really do, but I don't think I can take it again if he just shuts me out like that. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> If you want a relationship to work, be successful and happy, you have to let each other in to all aspects of yourself, even the dark ones that you try to keep locked away. You can't really know each other unless you see each other from all sides, all angles. "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" is one of my favorite quotes by Marilyn Monroe and very applicable to this situation I think. I guess I'll just wait and see for the moment. At least I've finally learned not to get my hopes up where wba is concerned, I've found its the best way for me not to get hurt or angry.</span></span></div><div class="pmedia" style="color: #303030; font-weight: bold; line-height: 25px; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-top: 14px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Escape the Fate - Issues</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is the death of me.</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel it constantly</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just like an enemy</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That wants to see me bleed</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I try to be silent while my words they explode like hand grenades</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just gotta stay calm, before I let this time bomb blow up in my face.</span></div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues pin me to the floor</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues are my overlord</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel so dominated</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The hounds of hell, they cry</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That’s how they get to me</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Inject my head with lies</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The pain’s astonishing</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Like a brick or a stone, slowly crushing my bones, sending me to my grave</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it’s such a fake, this life that I’ve made, I’m going insane</span></div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues pin me to the floor</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues are my overlord</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel so dominated</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues pin me to the floor</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues are my overlord</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel so dominated</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Issues, they choke me like a noose</span></div></span>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-63846603836147477632010-10-25T17:50:00.000-07:002010-10-25T17:50:35.838-07:00You bring the duct tape, I've got the shovels and plenty of places to hide the bodies!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.bickleracing.com/images/Standard_Duty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.bickleracing.com/images/Standard_Duty.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> The shear audacity and stupidity of some people never ceases to amaze me! I mean really! You are a parent! Grow the fuck up and be responsible! When you become a parent, your life is not your own anymore. There is a little boy or girl that is totally dependent on you for everything. Every decision you make affects the child! When a child is in the picture you can pretty much kiss your life goodbye for the next 18 years.</div><a href="http://images5.cpcache.com/product/40160795v1_480x480_Front.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://images5.cpcache.com/product/40160795v1_480x480_Front.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> Children subject to a divorce between the parents have an especially difficult time. Some people use them as pawns, others use them as bargaining chips, financial or otherwise, while some just don't give a shit! It is the children who end up suffering the most, along with the better parent in the relationship, whether it be the mother or the father. </div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> What also amazes me is the fact that when infidelity is involved in the relationship/marriage, which lead to the end of said relationship/marriage, when the person who was not unfaithful finally moves on and starts dating again all hell seems to break loose in one way or another! Most likely because these cheating individuals with no morals don't think the other person is capable of moving on. Whats good for one is good for the other I say! If you are one of the unfaithful, you do not have the right to fucking judge the other person when they finally find someone to be with! Who the fuck are you to judge anyway? You're the piece of shit that cheated, destroyed a relationship and/or family (or in some cases families), and left! You have no say in the matter! And for you to pull some bullshit when the good parent moves on with someone who is a much better person/parent than you ever were or could ever hope to be? Pffft! You are a moron! You should be eliminated from the gene pool!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Also, who are you to assume that the person you left has no life? Are you kidding me? Just because you ripped someone apart doesn't mean they will be broken forever, or for long. So, to all you bitches, bastards, and assholes in general out there I leave you with the following: 1. Mind your own fucking business. 2. Be a good parent or don't be a parent at all. 3. Stop with the fucking drama, bullshit and lies. 4. Grow the fuck up or prepare to meet Jesus, or as will most likely be the case, the other guy, on my terms!!!!!! I've got friends, duct tape, shovels, and I know how not to leave behind any evidence! Your choice! Choose wisely!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-87870277564138894702010-10-24T11:13:00.000-07:002010-10-24T11:13:22.795-07:00The modern day American family...not what it used to be!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTov5_WGujY0-ayQKzUvn3aXgqxG25coKCqNZUs2lL_GLsBtfhD8jbV2szkKu9YmX7vW59wDAiebe27iJPUcv_wj3jq88Ho_I4QXB9nrAO9C2S2HbzFWXPD3q7ulCq2LEUibX2qP-u-Hr1/s1600/post_253662_1212465495_med.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTov5_WGujY0-ayQKzUvn3aXgqxG25coKCqNZUs2lL_GLsBtfhD8jbV2szkKu9YmX7vW59wDAiebe27iJPUcv_wj3jq88Ho_I4QXB9nrAO9C2S2HbzFWXPD3q7ulCq2LEUibX2qP-u-Hr1/s320/post_253662_1212465495_med.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I remember when I was growing up that the dream for the perfect American family consisted of two loving parents, 2.5 children, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. Nowadays this dream no longer exists!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> So I decided to do some research into the modern American family and its make-up. I found the following statistics on a website, can't remember which one, so I apologize for not giving credit where credit is due.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Divorce rate in </span></span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">America</span></span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;"> for first marriage: 50%</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"> <span class="apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> Divorce rate in </span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">America</span></span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;"> for second marriage: 67%</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> Divorce rate in </span></span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">America</span></span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;"> for third marriage: 74%</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;"><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> But stats of 2008 shows that divorce rates are falling as more and more people are choosing to marry later.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> Any amount of college decreases the chance of divorce by 13 percent</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> An income over $50,000 decreases the chance of divorce by 30 percent</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> Couples with an income under $25,000 have a 50 percent chance of ending up getting divorced.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 10pt;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/7218/onion_imagearticle680_jpg_630x1200_upscale_q85.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/7218/onion_imagearticle680_jpg_630x1200_upscale_q85.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> As far as the number of children nowadays, approximately 62% of married couples do not have any children. Americans are also choosing to marry later in life than before. For women the average age for a first marriage is about 25 years of age. For men, the average age for a first marriage is higher, 28 years of age. I myself married at the age of 22, my spouse was 20. I was 26 when my daughter was born.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> The high divorce rate in America leads to the modern day American family in which children grow up in 2 separate homes and even 2 separate families. I'd really like to know what happened to the American dream of the perfect family life. </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> As far as my own divorce goes, the reasons for it are more than just one. I was happy for awhile, but then things changed. The honeymoon ended you could say. About a little more than a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">year</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> into it I found myself questioning my choice to marry. That feeling only increased over the next few years. At one point I found myself searching out divorce information and lawyers because I was so unhappy and tired of all the bullshit. But I talked myself into sticking it out because I didn't want my marriage to end up like my parents marriage or like my in-laws marriage. I wanted that shit to end with them! So despite all the fights, which were mainly about money, drug/alcohol use, preferring to spend time with friends rather than at home with me, and really stupid behavior on my spouses part, I chose to stick it out. Then when I found out I was pregnant, I felt that I had no choice in the matter.</span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.funfacts.com.au/images/divorce12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.funfacts.com.au/images/divorce12.jpg" width="193" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I so want one of these when me & <br />
my girlfriends have our divorce<br />
party!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> A year & a half after my daughter was born, the shit hit the fan and it was all over. At first I wanted to fix it because of my daughter, but then I woke up and realized that this was for the better. I could not be with someone like that, someone who had no morals. I deserved better than that! I was worth more than that! The one thing he said he would never do, he did. The one thing that I could never forgive or live with. I was so convinced during my marriage and for a time after it ended that I could not do any better, which was also part of the reason that I held onto it for longer than I should. It amazes me how one spouse can convince the other that they are the best they could ever get. I'm not the only one to experience this phenomenon either. One of my best friends that I will just call knittinglitemom was also brainwashed into thinking the exact same thing by her spouse. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> But wonder of wonders she & I both came to the realization that our exes were so full of shit it was pathetic. We have both found people so much better than what we had before. However, if we had to do everything all over again we would do it the same way because we got the most awesome children out of it all. Apparently that was what was meant to be out of both of our marriages. Knittinglitemom helped me through some hard times. I'm very glad to have met her and to have her in my life. She is truly an amazing woman, mom, and friend. :) </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://parentreviewers.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/divorce.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://parentreviewers.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/divorce.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> Now, its not only men that can fuck a marriage up. Women can also be the cause and the results seem to be even more messed up when this is the case. Of course this is just my own personal opinion based on what I know from the men in my life that are going/gone through the process. In bamfio's case, his spouse cheated on him and completely walked out on their two adorable little girls. I could never ever ever ever ever ever do that to my little girl! I don't understand how a woman could do something like that! I really don't! These little girls are just super amazing! It's a good thing they have an amazing dad in their lives. On a positive note, now the mom is starting to try and be a part of their lives. I hope it turns out well for everyone involved.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://elementaryspirits.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/sad-face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="http://elementaryspirits.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/sad-face.jpg" width="200" /></a><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> The worst divorce related scenario I know of has to be that of wba's. This </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">situation</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> is so beyond fucked up! There are really just no words to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">describe</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> it! I've known wba since mid-June and we've been seriously seeing one another for a little over 2 months. He is an awesome father even though he does not get to see his son as often as he would like. He calls his son everyday He's been told by the ex and his mother-in-law that his son is not really his both to his face and in the divorce papers that he was served with, which is absolute bullshit in my opinion. You only have to look at him and his son together! His father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer earlier in the year. So rather than be a dick about it, he let his ex pretty much have their son for the entire duration of his illness. This way they son and grandfather could have as much time as possible together, which was a very awesome thing to do. Now, lets add an illicit affair to the mix. Not from the ex, even though that did occur during the marriage. I'm talking about an affair between wba's boss and his mother-in-law while her husband was dying. After his death about a month ago that affair really took off. How fucked up is that? I mean seriously what the hell is wrong with these people? Add to that the fact that the ex told a major fucking lie to wba last night, which he caught her in BIG TIME!!! The child was not where he was told he was. He was in the one place he absolutely did not want him to be...at the boss's with the mother-in-law. To top that off, when he finally got hold of his ex on the phone she sounded completely fucked up, strung out on drugs fucked up. Thus shit really hit the fan last night and shattered it! Thus nothing could be done save finding out for sure and getting his son out of where he was at. Which I do not fault him for 1 bit. Your children have to come first!!!! ALWAYS!!! He finds the ex, and she was completely stoned out of her mind and on her way to a hotel room. So once he discovered that, he knew he had to get his son away from it. What's really messed up is that he had always said and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">believed</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"> that she was a good mother. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/funny-pictures-cat-asks-you-to-sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/funny-pictures-cat-asks-you-to-sign.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"> Never in a million years did he expect something like that to occur. So the cops were called and he goes to his bosses house to wait for the cops. It did not end well either. Because of a locked fucking gate, the cops could not go in and get his son. How fucked up is that? A locked gate? Are you kidding me? That is absolute bullshit!!! So now because the ex is a complete bitch and there are no court orders for visitation yet, he will probably not get to see his son until who knows when! Plus since his boss is involved, there is now a high possibility that he could be fired tomorrow. So now wba is in a very bad place. Which makes me very sad. I am just hoping that he is sleeping right now like he said he was going to do and that he is not still contemplating doing something that would be extremely stupid to do right now in the mood that he is in. Regardless, he needs his son as much as his son needs him. The same goes for all children and their parents. The only exception would have to be that of the unfit parent. Man! This took me so long to get out! I am so hoping that things improve for wba. I want him to be happy.</span></div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-83432208230194633912010-10-22T19:59:00.000-07:002010-10-22T19:59:48.290-07:00Somebody check my brain...I think it's going to explode!<div style="text-align: justify;"> So the epic failure that has been this week continues! What really sucks is that I thought that it would be a really good one, but once again I was wrong and was really let down. I really thought yesterday or today would be a turning point, but I was wrong once again. You'd think that by now I would have learned my lesson, but I guess I was just too stupid and hopeful! I should really fix this hope thing so I'll stop getting hurt when I don't get what I hope for.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://mootzman.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/bulldog-with-headache1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://mootzman.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/bulldog-with-headache1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Now the entire thing has me pissed as hell and has given me a huge headache! I really wish the 3 Motrin I popped earlier would kick in & make it go away! I hate having headaches, especially those cause by stress and emotions.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> It's times like this that I really wish I had my daughter with me. I could really use one of her hugs and a cuddle from my angel right about now along with an "I love you mommy, it's okay." Not having her with me right now is making me cry.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I really wish I had money to go out to a movie or something tonight instead of spending the remainder of the night at home by myself doing laundry and blogging. Not even the piece of cake with chocolate frosting I had a little while ago is making me feel better.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> The only 2 good things to come out of this week from hell has been 1.) today I only had to work from 8am to 12pm but got paid for a full day and 2.) I discovered that I have lost another 10 pounds today. Which creates another problem...my clothes are all too loose on me now and I have no money to buy anymore as I am barely able to make ends meet as it is. Plus my growing girl needs clothes more than I do as she is growing bigger and doesn't have many clothes that fit. I can do without...I've done it before I can do it again!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://wendyusuallywanders.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/exploding-brain.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://wendyusuallywanders.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/exploding-brain.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I was pretty okay with yesterday until today after I got home...then everything went to shit! I got extremely pissed off over something that I found out happened last night. It just seemed like things were being kept from me, that I was being lied to, and that I just wasn't worth spending time with anymore. I'm still not 100% sure how I feel about the events of last night...are they true or are they not? Plus add in the fact that this is the 3rd time that this almost exact same situation has occurred plus the fact that I haven't seen someone in like a week, nor spent any quality time with this someone in almost 2 weeks and you get one really pissed off bitch!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Plus I'd been thinking since before the fail that was today occurred that I would finally get to see this someone today because it was to be an early day for us both. Once again I was fucking wrong! Go figure a promise was made to a friend a few days ago that just couldn't be broken. But yet its fine to make promises to me, even simple ones such as I'll call you tomorrow or when I get home, then break them! But yet this promise to watch a baseball game just couldn't be broken! Wish I could get a fucking promise 3 days in advance that actually had follow through on it! I'd have to say that 75% of the promises that have been made to me by a certain someone have failed, usually in the epic fashion. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I've been promised today that we'll do something tomorrow, but I'm not putting much hope into it. I'm tired of being hurt by failed promises! Tired of hoping and then being disappointed. My girlfriends all say I should just say fuck it all...that this kind of drama/epic failure is happening too early in our relationship so I should just get out now. *sigh!* I think I'm just going to try and sleep on it and see what happens tomorrow, but I doubt sleep will come any time soon...emotions still running high and in all directions</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-44813372646916506352010-10-21T14:09:00.000-07:002010-10-21T14:09:40.105-07:00What a day, what a day!<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> What a day! Hell! What a fucking week! We'll just go ahead and say epic fail for this week in all respects of life! There's no saving it at this point! Hoping some alcohol later will make it somewhat better, or at least make me forget about it for awhile! Work and my personal life have both been in fail mode this week & its really starting to get to me! At least I only have to work from 8-12 tomorrow yet still get paid for the whole day. Not holding out much hope for the personal life this week. :( Its been pretty much in epic fail mode since sunday....in fail mode since wednesday of last week. No clue what to do!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> This week is even going to bleed over into next week! The only positive is that I get to be off of work on Tuesday! Got that absence all set up and cleared today. The downside is I get to go to my attorney's office for a phone conference with the judge because the ex and his attorney are both idiots! Had an in-law try and start shit over that comment, so ya know what! DELETED!!!!! Anybody else wants to start shit over something I say, by all means, go right ahead! That's the magic of the delete button! It says fuck you in the simplest of terms.</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; line-height: 18px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSajjsER8iQ">Nonpoint - What a Day</a></span></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Sittin' on your ass all day thinkin' about your hangover</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">and the party you left your fuckin' keys at</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">and had to beg for a ride from a stranger that I never met before he acted</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">so friendly that I had to take the ride</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">but for some reason he resembled that guy wanted for a robbery</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">and beatin' on his kid "you remind me of my stepson" he chuckles with a grin.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">What was that move that they taught in self-defense</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">where you block the killer's knife move with some confidence the signal</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">when you're trapped inside a moving car I wonder if he'll drive real far.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">What a day, you should've stayed home shootin' the breeze all day,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">you should think next time before you start to play,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I wonder what will happen today.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Rub your eyes from no sleep this week tap your heels home then fall asleep.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Sittin' around looking for a fight kinda' pissed off how I'm turnin'</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">My life up-side down from insecure insecurities makin' up</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">My mind through old hypocrisy up and out of harms way down</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">cause I want to be there here because you want</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Me not because you're caught in My stare.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">What was that move that they taught in self-defense</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">where you block the killer's knife move with some confidence the signal</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">when you're trapped inside a moving car I wonder if he'll drive real far.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">What a day, you should've stayed home shootin' the breeze all day,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">you should think next time before you start to play,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I wonder what will happen today.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Rub your eyes from no sleep this week tap your heels home then fall asleep,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">asleep in bed you'll do something tomorrow instead.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545559; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-33549380484505487182010-10-20T16:16:00.000-07:002010-10-20T16:16:06.244-07:00Sometimes we have to decide if we're turning the page or closing the entire book!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.ezbookclip.com/Images/turnpage256sm.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://www.ezbookclip.com/Images/turnpage256sm.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To turn the page or close the book?<br />
That is the question.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"> An individual can only take so much before they just loose it and crack! Or just say fuck it and move on! Even if the situation/circumstance is legitimate and not really anyones fault. I stole the title for this from one of my friends because it very much describes my state of mind at the moment.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Should I turn the page and see where the story goes? Or is the story at a point that is beyond redemption, so the book should just be closed and put on the shelf of my memory? I honestly can not decide what to do with this book! Its interesting and definitely not boring, a fun exciting read for the most part. The downside is that its extremely hard to find time to read this book! If its not one thing, its another! If it was a movie it would be on pause or a crazy psychotic ground hog day loop! You can only read/watch the same thing so many times before it starts driving you insane no matter how good the rest of the storyline is.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> You can only ask/hope for something for so long before you just give up asking/trying. Relationships will ultimately fail if they are one-sided, this applies to both friends and significant others. If someone wants to be a part of your life, especially a significant part, they need to make an effort to stay in it! They need to do what it takes to get rid of the same old scene. Neither of you can be truly happy reading the same thing over and over, day after day, night after night. Somehow, someway it needs to be fixed. And quickly! The story needs to continue! Otherwise its time to close the fucking book!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-85051283296234280202010-10-19T16:17:00.000-07:002010-10-19T16:17:44.154-07:00Up, down, up, down, up, down.....I think I'm gonna puke!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.nolimitscoaster.com/Screenshots/LochNess02_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.nolimitscoaster.com/Screenshots/LochNess02_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"> I am so tired of feeling like I'm on a roller coaster! I was down for so long in my life that when I got back up I had no idea what to do with myself. Happiness was a foreign thing to me at that point because it had been absent from my life for so long.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I spent most of my teenage years very depressed. Didn't talk about it with anyone, just dealt with it by avoiding it or doing stupid shit. I thought I had found true happiness toward the end of my teenage years, so up, went the roller coaster, slowly but surely. I was happy for a few years, no sadness or pain, even though I had ripped my family apart and lost some friends in the process. But, it was my decision, everything has been my decision. I am who I am because of each and every choice that I made in my life. If I had to do it all over again knowing what it would cost me in the future, I would do everything the same because I have a beautiful, amazing little girl who is the light of my life out of it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.clipartheaven.com/clipart/household/lighting/light_bulb_01.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.clipartheaven.com/clipart/household/lighting/light_bulb_01.gif" width="190" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I finally realized that I couldn't deal with my problems alone. The roller coaster was as far down as it could go! It was very much out of order at that point. So I got help so that I could become a better person for myself and for my daughter. I was never really one to talk about anything to anyone. Always the quiet, shy, reserved person. But I discovered that I had some truly amazing friends and family members in my life who wanted to be there for me, would listen to me bitch and complain, hold me when I cried, and just loved me for me. Three months of therapy and a lot of antidepressants also helped as well. For awhile things were very, very bad indeed! Then I had an epiphany you could say. I realized how much better off I was and I found my long lost self esteem (which had been missing since elementary school, despite the reward posters for its safe and quick return).</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> So the roller coaster started creeping up the tracks again. I was happy with myself and my life. I finally got to a point where I was able to slowly take myself off the antidepressants, which took awhile since I was on the maximum dose. I've been off of them for a few months now, and most of the time the roller coaster is up, working perfectly. But sometimes, shit just happens and the roller coaster goes into a really bad downward spiral that I can't seem to stop.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Here lately that roller coaster has just been going absolutely crazy! Up, up up, down, down, down, down, down. Pass, fail, epic fail, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass EPIC FUCKING FAIL...what the fuck???? Its driving me crazy and I don't know what to do about it at this point. Should I stay on the ride and see where it goes like most of myself is saying? Or should I just say fuck it and slam on the breaks and get the hell off? I just don't know. I guess for now I will stay on the ride and see where it takes me...if I can ever get it going again that is! Very close to epic fucking fail at this point, but hoping it will get better. Guess I got really spoiled by the awesome time I had there for over a week. For now, just gonna let it ride!</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1036394354755818831.post-51642198716760306852010-10-18T16:43:00.000-07:002010-10-18T16:43:15.366-07:00What the hell!<a href="http://www.phuckpolitics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/what_the_hell_is_this_crap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://www.phuckpolitics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/what_the_hell_is_this_crap.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> Ever just have one of those days where you think to yourself "what the hell?" Well that's pretty much been how my life has been going for the past week or so. To use one of my friends favorite words its just been absolutely "redonkulous!"</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> I am just so tired of the drama and the bullshit! It comes at me from every corner of my life! If its not one thing, its another! If its not this, its that! Its just absolute craziness! Its driving me insane! If it doesn't get better soon I think I might need to get myself fitted for one of those fashionable white jackets with the shiny silver buckles on it I've heard so much about!</div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_VF5rT56-dEU/TIzPGJr38BI/AAAAAAAAAWk/8JZWvgK6pYY/s1600/happy-teacher1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_VF5rT56-dEU/TIzPGJr38BI/AAAAAAAAAWk/8JZWvgK6pYY/s200/happy-teacher1.gif" width="125" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> As a high school science teacher/single mom, my life is constantly busy with one thing or another. I love my daughter with everything that I am! I miss her so much when she is with her dad every other week. At first I was completely against the every other week arrangement, but I'm SLOWLY coming to terms with it because it gives me time for myself which was pretty much non-existent for me before. I was single-momming it before I was actually single-momming it. I got up early, got myself and my daughter ready for school, took her to school and myself to work, got off work, picked up my daughter and came home and went back to work until I crashed out. For awhile I even had two jobs outside of the home to try and get the finances back under control, but I just couldn't do it...I was missing my little girl too much and the house was going to hell! Plus, I was exhausted all the time and really struggling with depression that had sunk in deeply after having my daughter, but at the time I did not want to admit to it. I finally dealt with and conquered that monster though.</div><br />
<a href="http://www.donnabellas.com/image2/family/mommy-girl-brunette.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.donnabellas.com/image2/family/mommy-girl-brunette.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> I am just ready to be legally free! So that I can fully tackle this new life I am making for myself and my daughter...because I think its going to be great! I have been working on bettering myself, I am a dynamic woman! Always changing...hopefully for the better for myself and everyone. I have some very awesome people in my life, both new and old. Just got to get rid of all this drama and bullshit which seems to always find me somehow despite not leaving them a forwarding address! So to quote Marilyn Monroe " Ever notice how "what the hell" is always the right answer?" Such is my life at the moment! But this life of mine is always changing, always shifting...I never know what will happen next! Which can be fun and irritating all at once, but lets save that one for another day....</div>AllysMommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05876345863046903013noreply@blogger.com2