So this song very much describes how I'm feeling at the moment. I love how no matter what emotion you are feeling you can always find a song somewhere that describes how you are feeling, no matter what your taste in music might be. Personally, I'm a rocker chick through and through, with the occasional rap/pop songs thrown in every now and again.
I just want to be able to get through everything, for me and my daughter's sakes. What really, really sucks is that my daughter got attached, so now I have to figure out how to explain it to her. This should be fun! (Just to clarify, that statement was dripping with sarcasm!) I don't know what to tell her because I myself have no freaking clue! I've got nothing! Absolutely nothing! That is what sucks the most...the not knowing part. Oh, and the not knowing what to do part, the trying to figure things out part! Oh hell! It all fucking sucks! Who am I kidding!!! I just wish I didn't care as much as I do, it would be so much easier! The last time this happened it maybe took me about 2 weeks or so to get over it, but I wasn't too attached at that point. This time its going to be much harder and take a lot longer. I just wish I could fast forward or sleep through it all or something.
I'm tired of feeling bad! Physically and emotionally. Been feeling this way for the past few weeks as things started to go into suck/fail/epic fail mode. Seriously thinking about going back to see my therapist. I'm going to get the number for the EAP tomorrow and give them a call when I get home. If I'm not mistaken I get 6 free sessions every year. They don't want us teachers to go all psycho on everybody I guess. I have been trying to keep myself busy and my mind occupied as best I can since last Friday. The weekend was busy with my daughter and Halloween stuff, but now that the work week has started and my daughter isn't here, keeping my mind busy has become harder. I've been breaking up the cleaning I have to do into chunks to do throughout the week. I bought a book to read as well. Not in a crochet mood lately because the project I have in progress (a scarf for my daughter) I last worked on there on that last epic night, so all I would think about would be that. This sucks! I could start another project, but I don't know what to work on! The project I planned to start after the scarf is kind of pointless now! :( Well, it will get better, eventually I guess.
"Walk Away"
Five Finger Death Punch
I'm sorry for the demon I've become
You should be sorry for the angel you are not
I apologize for the cruel things that I did
But I don't regret one single word I said
Just walk away make it easy on yourself
Just walk away please release me from this hell
Just walk away there's just nothing left to feel
Just walk away pretend that none of this is real
Could you forgive me if I told you that I cared?
Would you be sorry if I swore that I'd be there?
Please forgive me for laughing when you fall
I'm so sorry but I never cared at all
Just walk away make it easy on yourself
Just walk away please release me from this hell
Just walk away there's just nothing left to feel
Just walk away pretend that none of this is none of this is
Just walk away make it easy on us both
Just walk away there was never any hope
Just walk away you already know the deal
Just walk away, pretend that none of this was, none of this was real
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