The modern day American family...not what it used to be!

  

     I remember when I was growing up that the dream for the perfect American family consisted of two loving parents, 2.5 children, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence.  Nowadays this dream no longer exists!

      So I decided to do some research into the modern American family and its make-up.  I found the following statistics on a website, can't remember which one, so I apologize for not giving credit where credit is due.

     Divorce rate in America for first marriage: 50%

     Divorce rate in America for second marriage: 67%
     Divorce rate in America for third marriage: 74%

     But stats of 2008 shows that divorce rates are falling as more and more people are choosing to marry later.

     Any amount of college decreases the chance of divorce by 13 percent
     An income over $50,000 decreases the chance of divorce by 30 percent
     Couples with an income under $25,000 have a 50 percent chance of ending up getting divorced.

     As far as the number of children nowadays, approximately 62% of married couples do not have any children. Americans are also choosing to marry later in life than before.  For women the average age for a first marriage is about 25 years of age.  For men, the average age for a first marriage is higher, 28 years of age.  I myself married at the age of 22, my spouse was 20.  I was 26 when my daughter was born.

     The high divorce rate in America leads to the modern day American family in which children grow up in 2 separate homes and even 2 separate families. I'd really like to know what happened to the American dream of the perfect family life.  

        As far as my own divorce goes, the reasons for it are more than just one.  I was happy for awhile, but then things changed.  The honeymoon ended you could say.  About a little more than a year into it I found myself questioning my choice to marry.  That feeling only increased over the next few years.  At one point I found myself searching out divorce information and lawyers because I was so unhappy and tired of all the bullshit.  But I talked myself into sticking it out because I didn't want my marriage to end up like my parents marriage or like my in-laws marriage.  I wanted that shit to end with them!  So despite all the fights, which were mainly about money, drug/alcohol use, preferring to spend time with friends rather than at home with me, and really stupid behavior on my spouses part, I chose to stick it out.  Then when I found out I was pregnant, I felt that I had no choice in the matter.

I so want one of these when me &
my girlfriends have our divorce
party!

     A year & a half after my daughter was born, the shit hit the fan and it was all over.  At first I wanted to fix it because of my daughter, but then I woke up and realized that this was for the better.  I could not be with someone like that, someone who had no morals.  I deserved better than that!  I was worth more than that!  The one thing he said he would never do, he did.  The one thing that I could never forgive or live with.  I was so convinced during my marriage and for a time after it ended that I could not do any better, which was also part of the reason that I held onto it for longer than I should.  It amazes me how one spouse can convince the other that they are the best they could ever get.  I'm not the only one to experience this phenomenon either.  One of my best friends that I will just call knittinglitemom was also brainwashed into thinking the exact same thing by her spouse.  

     But wonder of wonders she & I both came to the realization that our exes were so full of shit it was pathetic.  We have both found people so much better than what we had before.  However, if we had to do everything all over again we would do it the same way because we got the most awesome children out of it all.  Apparently that was what was meant to be out of both of our marriages.  Knittinglitemom helped me through some hard times.  I'm very glad to have met her and to have her in my life.  She is truly an amazing woman, mom, and friend. :)  

       Now, its not only men that can fuck a marriage up.  Women can also be the cause and the results seem to be even more messed up when this is the case.  Of course this is just my own personal opinion based on what I know from the men in my life that are going/gone through the process.  In bamfio's case, his spouse cheated on him and completely walked out on their two adorable little girls.  I could never ever ever ever ever ever do that to my little girl!  I don't understand how a woman could do something like that!  I really don't!  These little girls are just super amazing!  It's a good thing they have an amazing dad in their lives.  On a positive note, now the mom is starting to try and be a part of their lives.  I hope it turns out well for everyone involved.

      The worst divorce related scenario I know of has to be that of wba's.  This situation is so beyond fucked up!  There are really just no words to describe it!  I've known wba since mid-June and we've been seriously seeing one another for a little over 2 months.  He is an awesome father even though he does not get to see his son as often as he would like.  He calls his son everyday He's been told by the ex and his mother-in-law that his son is not really his both to his face and in the divorce papers that he was served with, which is absolute bullshit in my opinion.  You only have to look at him and his son together!  His father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer earlier in the year.  So rather than be a dick about it, he let his ex pretty much have their son for the entire duration of his illness.  This way they son and grandfather could have as much time as possible together, which was a very awesome thing to do.  Now, lets add an illicit affair to the mix.  Not from the ex, even though that did occur during the marriage.  I'm talking about an affair between wba's boss and his mother-in-law while her husband was dying.  After his death about a month ago that affair really took off.  How fucked up is that? I mean seriously what the hell is wrong with these people?  Add to that the fact that the ex told a major fucking lie to wba last night, which he caught her in BIG TIME!!!  The child was not where he was told he was.  He was in the one place he absolutely did not want him to be...at the boss's with the mother-in-law.  To top that off, when he finally got hold of his ex on the phone she sounded completely fucked up, strung out on drugs fucked up.  Thus shit really hit the fan last night and shattered it!  Thus nothing could be done save finding out for sure and getting his son out of where he was at.  Which I do not fault him for 1 bit.  Your children have to come first!!!!  ALWAYS!!!  He finds the ex, and she was completely stoned out of her mind and on her way to a hotel room.  So once he discovered that, he knew he had to get his son away from it.  What's really messed up is that he had always said and believed that she was a good mother.       

     Never in a million years did he expect something like that to occur.  So the cops were called and he goes to his bosses house to wait for the cops.  It did not end well either.  Because of a locked fucking gate, the cops could not go in and get his son.  How fucked up is that?  A locked gate?  Are you kidding me?  That is absolute bullshit!!!  So now because the ex is a complete bitch and there are no court orders for visitation yet, he will probably not get to see his son until who knows when!  Plus since his boss is involved, there is now a high possibility that he could be fired tomorrow.  So now wba is in a very bad place.  Which makes me very sad.  I am just hoping that he is sleeping right now like he said he was going to do and that he is not still contemplating doing something that would be extremely stupid to do right now in the mood that he is in.  Regardless, he needs his son as much as his son needs him.  The same goes for all children and their parents.  The only exception would have to be that of the unfit parent.  Man!  This took me so long to get out!  I am so hoping that things improve for wba.  I want him to be happy.