The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines hope as the following: "to cherish a desire with anticipation." I am almost 100% sure that I have used up my lifetime supply of hope in the past couple of weeks. Nothing has been worse lately than to hope for something and then not to get it. Especially if it is something as simple as hearing from someone when they told you they would. Is is really that hard to follow through with something as simple as "I"ll text you tomorrow ok" or "I'll call you later." Honestly, it takes what 30 seconds or so to send a text to someone? Even less if you use that handy reply feature.
So yes, as the image above says, "Hope may not be warranted at this point." I'm so tired of hoping for things and not getting them! Then getting either angry, upset, disappointed, or hurt over it. I'm trying to train myself not to hope for or expect anything, especially where wba is concerned. Because I just get end up getting disappointed, angry, upset, and hurt when what I was hoping to happen didn't happen. I'm doing much better at it! I already decided that this week I would not be seeing him & so far that hasn't disappointed me. Amazing huh? Also, when I was told I'd hear from him the next day and I didn't hear anything until the end of the day after, I wasn't really mad. I knew it would happen that way, I expected it because its happened several times before. Plus if you add in all the other broken promises, you would completely understand my anti-hope stance. Also lets throw in the fact that knittinglitemom has kind of been in fail mode today... disappointed on that front, both for myself and my daughter, so maybe I need to stop hoping there too. The only people who haven't failed on me lately are my mom and my sissy, who is the sister of my heart. I miss my family so much right now! I wish I had them here with me or that they were closer so I could just take off to visit whenever I wanted. As it is right now, they are about a 7 hour drive away and I haven't seen them since...man I can't remember when the last time I saw them was! That's pretty bad!.
I just wish that wba would let me in more. I understand the need to be alone and get yourself straight, I really do, especially when the problems involve your children and the struggles and turmoil of divorce. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt! But somethings you just don't need to be alone for. Somethings you just need someone there, someone real to actually listen to you, really listen & not judge. But that's just my opinion!
I know that therapy really helped me out when I was going through hard times. I highly recommend it to anyone experiencing difficult times. Sometimes you need that neutral party perspective to get yourself right again.
I don't know how this story is going to end. I have no idea what to do at the moment other than just sit back and wait and see what happens. But I am done making the first effort! That is all in his court now! Like I said I am done hoping! These past almost 3 weeks has taught me that...since I've only seen him 3 times during that time, 4 times if you want to count the 15 minutes from Saturday, which I don't because I was angry at the time and when I started to calm down shit started to go down which brought an end to the evening that I just knew was going to be another epic fail.
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