As of late my friends have provided me with a wealth of inspiration to write about, which is a good thing because writing helps me to put everything in perspective. I am officially done with the relationship that I thought I was in...but that's just my opinion. I haven't heard from the other party since last Friday and that was just a one word response to my text that I was off work while he was not. There was a Facebook status update on Monday, but nothing sent my way. So yeah, whatever, I'm done! Goodbye!
The following are lessons posted by friends that very much apply to me at the moment:
1. "Men are like commercials: sounds good but you know its false advertisement." ~CRH. Yeah, this one sounded really good. Single dad, loves his son, active, same kind of music & movies, good job, great to talk to spend time with, etc. But no follow through on promises, pushing me away when things get complicated...false advertisement! Relationships have to have these things in addition to much more to make them work and be successful and maybe develop into something more.
2. "If you hear words saying one thing, but the actions show another, chances are you're being lied to." ~ JM. How very true this statement is right now! The words said "I still want to see you" but the actions, which have been NOTHING nullify the words that were said. Plus add to this the fact that when he started talking to me after the drama & the week of nothingness it was only while he was at work...never when he was at home. Can you say suspicious & weird? Makes me think that he was not staying at his place, but elsewhere or somewhere where he couldn't talk to me for some reason. Oh well! His loss! I deserve better and will have better as soon as I find it or it finds me. What really sucks is that I really thought that he was my better...guess I still have a lot to learn! Damn me for getting into a relationship & marriage early in life! Had I dated more I doubt I would be having such problems!
3. "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."~ JM. I thought for a while that I was on my way to falling in love. There was a lot of like admitted to on both sides. Then shit just started happening until everything just kind of fell apart. No fault on my end on this one! Its all him! I tried to keep communication open! But I was ignored and let go apparently. Not sure how I feel about this lesson on life yet...Can one like until it hurts? Ready for the hurt to be over! I'm keeping busy as much as possible so that I don't have time to think about it But late at night before bed my mind wanders and the sadness hits, sometimes tears fall for what might have been or what I thought was there. Things will get better for me, just probably not as soon as I would like.
Thankfully, next week is vacation time for me and Alyssa and I are going to see family and friends in Alabama. I miss them terribly! Plus getting out of Lakeland should help things! So will going out drinking with my Alabama girls! :) I can't wait!!! I so need it!!!!
