"For every girl with a broken heart there's a perfect guy with a glue gun."

  I'm very hoping this quote that I stole from my Jew friend holds true for me in 2011.  New year, new me, and new boyfriend (but I did get to end the year with him so he still counts as new, we started going out December14, 2010).

     Fairly happy with things so far and how things are going in general.  However, some things irritate me & I'm finding that old wounds are hard and slow to heal.  I'm trying very hard not to let past experiences color my present or my future. I want to deal with it on my own before I bring it all out in the open, because that is just the way that I am.  I have to work on problems within myself first.  I'm one of those people that you have my trust until you break it or lose it.  I haven't yet decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

     I can't stand it when someone tells me that they are going to do something & then it never happens!  This was a big issue in the past and its happened twice so far.  I was told I will talk to you later tonight for the past two nights and it never happened and no excuses were provided.  However, excuses are another huge problem for me.  I heard the same set of excuses so many times in the past that its hard to know which ones are genuine and which ones are false.  It makes things really confusing especially after everything I've been through in the past two years.  Right now I'm a little irritated and disappointed, but I'm not going to let it get to me!  I'm going to play it by ear and keep an open mind.  Everyone is fighting some kind of battle, you just have to find the one that is worth fighting for and giving your heart to!

     I am determined to just be me and take everything in stride.  Go slowly and see where the road takes me.  If I get to see the boyfriend tomorrow like he told me today things should be okay.  It hasn't helped much that I have been super stressed out the last 2 days about not having enough money to make ends meet this month.  But today, thanks to my super awesome family that problem is solved!  I no longer have to worry that I will have money to buy food and milk for my daughter (I would gladly do without for her), gas to make it to work and home each week, and utilities.

     I just don't want this relationship to fail!  I'm tired of failures!  Especially ones that were not my fault in any way, shape or form.  However, past fails still haunt the back of my mind!  But life is life, so what are you gonna do?  I really hope I've found the perfect guy with the glue gun that can fix the brokenness, accept me for me, and take an eraser to the past!

Somebody check my brain...I think it's going to explode!

    So the epic failure that has been this week continues!  What really sucks is that I thought that it would be a really good one, but once again I was wrong and was really let down.  I really thought yesterday or today would be a turning point, but I was wrong once again.  You'd think that by now I would have learned my lesson, but I guess I was just too stupid and hopeful!  I should really fix this hope thing so I'll stop getting hurt when I don't get what I hope for.

     Now the entire thing has me pissed as hell and has given me a huge headache!  I really wish the 3 Motrin I popped earlier would kick in & make it go away!  I hate having headaches, especially those cause by stress and emotions.

     It's times like this that I really wish I had my daughter with me.  I could really use one of her hugs and a cuddle from my angel right about now along with an "I love you mommy, it's okay."  Not having her with me right now is making me cry.

     I really wish I had money to go out to a movie or something tonight instead of spending the remainder of the night at home by myself doing laundry and blogging.  Not even the piece of cake with chocolate frosting I had a little while ago is making me feel better.

     The only 2 good things to come out of this week from hell has been 1.) today I only had to work from 8am to 12pm but got paid for a full day and 2.) I discovered that I have lost another 10 pounds today.  Which creates another problem...my clothes are all too loose on me now and I have no money to buy anymore as I am barely able to make ends meet as it is.  Plus my growing girl needs clothes more than I do as she is growing bigger and doesn't have many clothes that fit.  I can do without...I've done it before I can do it again!

     I was pretty okay with yesterday until today after I got home...then everything went to shit!  I got extremely pissed off over something that I found out happened last night.  It just seemed like things were being kept from me, that I was being lied to,  and that I just wasn't worth spending time with anymore.  I'm still not 100% sure how I feel about the events of last night...are they true or are they not?  Plus add in the fact that this is the 3rd time that this almost exact same situation has occurred plus the fact that I haven't seen someone in like a week, nor spent any quality time with this someone in almost 2 weeks and you get one really pissed off bitch!

     Plus I'd been thinking since before the fail that was today occurred that I would finally get to see this someone today because it was to be an early day for us both.  Once again I was fucking wrong!  Go figure a promise was made to a friend a few days ago that just couldn't be broken.  But yet its fine to make promises to me, even simple ones such as I'll call you tomorrow or when I get home, then break them!  But yet this promise to watch a baseball game just couldn't be broken!  Wish I could get a fucking promise 3 days in advance that actually had follow through on it!  I'd have to say that 75% of the promises that have been made to me by a certain someone have failed, usually in the epic fashion.  

     I've been promised today that we'll do something tomorrow, but I'm not putting much hope into it.  I'm tired of being hurt by failed promises!  Tired of hoping and then being disappointed.  My girlfriends all say I should just say fuck it all...that this kind of drama/epic failure is happening too early in our relationship so I should just get out now.  *sigh!*  I think I'm just going to try and sleep on it and see what happens tomorrow, but I doubt sleep will come any time soon...emotions still running high and in all directions